Here’s an ethical issue and Jewish source response:
Case
Ever since she was a little girl, Rhonda strongly believed in the concept of peace-not only between nations, but between individual people as well. She could never stand it when her parents argued. Then one day, she noticed that her younger sister Joy was taking her favorite clothes. Joy had never been the same size as Rhonda; but now that she was, things fit. Joy was wearing Rhonda’s clothes to school, to dances and elsewhere, and she had never asked her sister. Rhonda knew that if she mentioned anything to Joy, it would start a fight. Being the peace-lover that she was, Rhonda avoided starting a fight, even though she knew that Joy was in the wrong. But in order to get her clothes back, there would have to be a big confrontation.
Is it proper to give up on an important idea, position or possession in order to keep peace and avoid confrontation? The question is applicable to physical things and in conversations that we have. What do Jewish sources say about how far we go to avoid confrontation, or do they say so at all?
Answer
[a] The concept of establishing and maintaining peace is one of the most fundamental ideas in Judaism. One of the three pillars upon which the world is built is peace (Pirke Avot 1:18). Peace is as important as all of God’s creations (Midrash Bamidbar Rabbah 11:7), and it is said that “God makes peace and creates everything” (morning service, Yotzer Or). Peace is the only mitzvah after which one is commanded to run, as it says, “Seek peace and pursue it” (Psalm 34:15).
[b] What happens when the concept of peace comes into conflict with other important Jewish values seeming to call for conflict or confrontation? Even then, Judaism seems to call for peace. Although truth is another of the three pillars upon which the world is built, it is generally more important to keep peace than to keep truth. Even God “lied” in order to keep the peace between Abraham and Sarah (Midrash Bamidbar Rabbah 11:7). The same midrash states that even if the Jews were to worship idols, they would not be severely punished if they were at peace with each other. This can be proven by the Torah story in which the builders of the Tower of Babel rebel against God (Genesis 11) but are not punished with death, since they are united (Genesis 11:1). On the other hand, Noah’s generation is wiped out because of violence and conflict among people.
Therefore, it seems that a person is obligated to give up almost everything in order to achieve peace. This is true in a family, in a town, or in the entire Jewish nation. Of course, if “giving in” for the sake of peace will only lead to further conflict (because the other party sees that you are always giving in) then it should not be done, since it will not lead to peace. That is the reason that the Torah allows war. If the Jews were known for always giving in, their enemies would continually conquer and destroy them. In addition, there are always, the “exceptions” for which one never gives up anything in Judaism. These include the sins of murder, sexual impropriety, and idol worship. However, peace supersedes almost everything else. Therefore, if it will achieve real peace with joy, Rhonda should “give up” her clothes.
Joel Grishaver, “You Be the Judge 2”, pgs. 107-108
Used with permission from Joel Grishaver
