Here’s an ethical issue and Jewish source response:

Case

All the 13-year-old girls in the class are going to the movies together on Sunday, and they plan to say that they are 11 years old in order to receive the cheaper children’s rate.  Jill knows that this is wrong and does not want to lie, but if she does not go along with this idea, she knows that her friends will shun her and she will not be “in’ with the group.

Should a person give in to peer pressure and do something that he or she knows is wrong?  What if it is in order to maintain a friendship?

Answer

[a] We know that we should always do what is right.  The Torah tells us what is proper (mitzvot) and that we are supposed to imitate God’s good ways (Deuteronomy 13:5) “…you should serve the Eternal and cling to God.”  Specifically, we are prohibited from lying (Leviticus 19:11).  It is the only sin in the Torah from which we are specifically commanded to run away: “…keep far from a lie” (Exodus 23:7).

[b] But Judaism also understands and is sensitive to the powerful pull of peer pressure from one’s friends.  For example, in the Korach rebellion, 250 people from the tribe of Reuben team-up with Korach, who is from the tribe of Levi (Numbers 16:1-2) to rebel against Moses.  Rashi (commentary on Numbers 16:1) explains how the Reubenites linked up with Korach: they were camped right next door.  Ultimately, it was Korach’s peer pressure that brought the 250 neighbors into the rebellion.

[c] In a similar fashion, when Lot’s shepherds fought with Abraham’s, the patriarch ordered both Lot and his herders to leave (Genesis 13:7-9).  One explanation of why Abraham took such drastic action is that he was worried about the peer pressure that Lot’s shepherds would push on his own men.  Abraham understood that human beings are strongly influenced by the people with whom they spend  time.  Abraham chose to distance himself and his followers from the negative influence of Lot’s helpers.

[d] In perhaps the most explicit Jewish acknowledgment of the power of peer pressure, Maimonides (Hilchot Deot 6:1) agrees with Abraham that peer pressure is nearly impossible to overcome.  He states that “It is in the very nature of people to be influenced by their peers, both in the way they think and the way they act.”  Therefore, rather than fight peer pressure, Maimonides tells us to make sure to spend time with good people who will pressure us to behave better, not worse, than our natural inclinations.  In fact, Maimonides continues and says that if one cannot find good people to hang around, one should leave his/her city or even his/her country.  If you cannot afford it, choose to live alone in the mountains rather than continue surrounding yourself with people who will negatively affect you.  Thus, according to Maimonides, there is no effective way to combat the pull of peer pressure.

[e] Returning to our question, there are two parts to the answer.  First, Jill should not lie.  Secondly, we are aware of the dangers of peer pressure from people who do not push us to be better than our natural inclination, so it seems that Jill should try not to hang out with this group of friends.  It is not worth maintaining friendships with people who lead you down dishonest and unholy paths.

Joel Grishaver, “You Be the Judge 2”, pgs. 109-111

Used with permission from Joel Grishaver